I Did A Hard Thing This Week

**Content Note: sexual assault (non-specific)**

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This past week I did a BIG SCARY THING that I’ve been anticipating and dreading and worrying about for years…YEARS.

After all this time imagining the “what ifs” and fearing both known and unknown pain for myself and my family, I finally did this hard thing – and friends, I’m here with swirling emotions to tell you – IT WENT OK.

I’m OK. My family is OK. And I feel grateful, relieved, a new freedom because I did this hard thing.

The BIG SCARY THING was a conversation – 2 conversations – that I’ve known I would one day need to have, as much as I hated the thought of it. And this past week I finally gathered the courage to have that conversation – twice.

I TOLD.

 

I told each of my children
that I had some painful experiences as a teenager
that I thought were important to share with them
now that they’re teenagers.

 

I told each of my children
that for a long time I’ve wanted to write about my past
but I’ve held off, waiting until the time seemed right
because I wanted them to know first.

 

I told each of my children
that I was sexually assaulted when I was a teenager.

 

I told each of my children
that I’m going to be writing about it
because I want my story to help other people
who are hurting and afraid to tell their stories.

 

I told each of my children
with gratitude to God, that I’m OK.

I did a hard thing this week. It wasn’t easy, but I did it and it went OK. My family is OK.

I did a hard thing this week. I TOLD.

And today I turned 42. It’s a new year of life. It’s finally time to write.

This BIG SCARY THING
was the last withering stronghold
of silencing power over me.

Thank you for reading and for holding my story with care.

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8 thoughts on “I Did A Hard Thing This Week

  1. Ruth

    Grateful for your courage and clarity. Grateful that you told your story. I pray for your children and mine that as they grow older that there will be far fewer stories like this that we have to tell our children. Your children are blessed to have you as their Mom.

  2. Katie

    Blessings to you for revealing this for being so transparent to your children and creating a safe space for them to reveal what may happen to them I was 17 and I was saving myself for the right person and was late to go to work and accepted to ride to work and it had a bad thing happen. I did report it I felt it was my fault and I’m just hoping that that person that did that to me had that Karma train. I didn’t report it and that’s my fault I’m not going to how many years later try to do anything I’m just going to try to be a better person like the wonderful person that you are and carry forward. Thank you Andrea for your love and strength and character and you’re writing and I always look forward to seeing reading what you how to say! Much love!

    1. Andrea Post author

      Katie, thank you so much for trusting and sharing your story with me. The past several weeks reading on Twitter the hashtag #WhyIDidntReport has been so heartbreaking. Until someone has been through something traumatic, they can’t truly understand. The victim is just doing their best to survive and get through the trauma and the emotional toll of reporting is often not something they can even consider at the time. It wasn’t your fault and you were doing the best you could at the time to keep breathing and see another day. Thank you for reading, and thank you again for being so honest here. Much love to you as well.

  3. Rick DeBruyne

    Thank you for sharing your story. I’m glad you came to a point where you felt you could. And thank you for adding your voice to those reminding us that it can take years.

    1. Andrea Post author

      Thank you Rick. I have shared it in smaller more private settings like retreats, but I knew there would come a day when I would finally start sharing publicly through writing and speaking in open spaces. I’m glad that time has come.

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